Finally back!

Hey ya'll,
Sowwie about not bloggin regularly! Things have just been a l'il too different, lately, for me to react well to 'em! And am, as usual, keeping busy!Vijay, I hope you doing good... I'm sowwie about being out for so long...
Well it's been an interesting year for me. And as it comes to a close, I cant help but think of the things that have happened in the past 12 months. I mean I've had ups and downs before, and people have come and gone...but this year was a milestone.
Loosing Nani has left a great hole in my heart and then ending a 3 years long relationship just broke my heart to pieces. I hope he can forgive me for ending it. My prayers are with him. This year has also left me without a few very close friends, whom I respected a great deal and loved even more... It was time to say goodbye to Apurva,Chitrak and Akash. Life has its own agenda. And whatever happens, happens for the best, I guess. But t hasn't just been all downhill for me.
This year brought me some wonderful moments, too. I finally got out of my business and got a bit of fresh air for the first time in years!! I went off to Calcutta and met some amazing people there. Jess, Phil, Chithra, Sangeeta, Aradhana, Shushanto..... all of them so very different from each other and with so much talent and care for others. I'm glad my life touched theirs. I dont get to interact with Sangeeta, Aradhana and Sushanto, though. I, also, finally got to know my relatives in Calcutta and it is wonderful to know I have such kind and loving people in my family. I'd like to thank them for being so nice to me while I was there, even though I refused to live with them there, and taking such good care of me when I fell really ill. It is always difficult to fall ill when you are in a new city, trying to find your way around work and everything!! But if you have such sweet people around you, you can surely come out of it well.
Calcutta also reminded me of my main aim in life. It got me back to what my real intentions are. It made me realize how shallow a life I was leading till date... where everything was about me and how much I've had to suffer or how bad the world has been to me. The place made me realize that it was about time I stopped wallowing in self pity and took control of my life. And that's exactly what I did. I refused to be treated as a doormat. I refused to do anything that I didnt want to. I got my certification and landed a teaching job. I'm glad I did. Am through with one assignment now and am onto a new one which will be done by March, 2008. I wish to move back to Mumbai and get going there. I wouldn't mind work in Timbucktoo, either!! In fact, anywhere new would be great! I love my country, but I do want to travel.
Speaking of travel, I went off to South Africa this Diwali.. No, I didnt go off alone. I'd gone with my family. Well, I think I was so used to travelling abroad with my friends or my Mom, that actually going in a group was... well...how can I put it??...umm.. different. I didnt get to see all that i wanted to. Neither did I get to do all that I wanted to. This is not a complain. Just an observation. That when you go with your family, you do touisty things. You stick to stuff that is popular with the mass. I did enjoy myself, though. Mum and I are like 2 great chums... so we had a ball.. and it was great to see Nana look at a new country. You would feel that people his age have been there and done that... but no, they love to do new things too..even if they do it in the old way!! For him, it was a trip of revealation. He finally realized his legs were not as good as they used to be and allowed us to take him around in a wheel chair. Not an easy job, if you ask me. Not an easy job at all.... trying to cart a 95 kgs. reluctant 76 yrs. old reluctant and stubborn child around while trying to discover a new country. But I did it. Sweet that he is, on the days he thought too much walk would be required, he stayed back at the hotel enjoying his single malt and the hotel's pampering services!
South Africa is such a beautiful country. I loved it! Filthy expensive, but beautiful. I loved Cape Town and George the most. My Mom loved Sun City the most. Well, here's the difference... I'd rather have stayed back in George and enjoyed the Atlantic Ocean and paragliding, while she would rather be in a luxurious hotel with all the modern facilities. I love long walks and she loves big cars, not that I have anything against big cars.... but I just prefer places like George more.. where you can be one with nature, where life seems to be just right, where it doesnt matter if you're Asian or American or European... you are just you. I guess, I'm just plain boring! But that's just how i've become.
I don't think anyone from Mithibai would even recognize me now... I dont mean physically. They just wont believe that the Shaivi they knew back then is this way now. My spirit is the same. I've just changed the way I put it across to people. No more standing in the middle of a crowded road and yelling "I love sex!" or whistling at guys wearing leaher jackets or flirting with anyone who was fair and handsome and had a dimple or harassing a poor substitute teacher or hitting on my friends bf's just to find out if he's worth my friends attention or staying out partying till the wee ours of the morning or talking a mile a minute or making children sing and dance. None of it. I don't even go to my fav old age home any more... I'm just scared they won't really want me around now that I've gotten so damn boring!!
But, like I said, my spirit is the same. I just dont need to put it across to others so agressively. I've realized the importance of not letting life take its own turns. You need to take the reigns of your life in your own hands. Only then will you ever get anything done. I hear some of my students say, let's see where life takes us. I wanna shake them and tell them.... No!Don't see where life takes you. Take life where you wanna go!!!
I have finally realized how nice it is to have true freedom, because I don't have it. A taste of it here and a lick of it there, but other than that... I'm still not free. I'm trying to build up all defences against emotional blackmailing and guilt. I hope that by the time I am ready to make my moves, I have a strong wall built up.... I will, then, finally be free!
Pray for me.... just like you would pray for your freedom!